Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
