At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
