Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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