I think I died a long time ago.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
