i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
