did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
