God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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