OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Randomize
