Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
