when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
