you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
