I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
