everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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