Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
