Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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