I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
