i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
