she was so not down for the gang bang
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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