I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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