Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
