O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
