I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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