part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
