i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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