what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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