i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
