First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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