I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
