you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Me. At least after what I've been through.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
