sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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