only if we run a train.
done.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
