It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
