I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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