somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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