i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
