why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
