Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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