the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
