So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
