that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
