I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
