I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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