***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
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