omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
