God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
