im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
