she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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