I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
