i just google imaged poop.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
