He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
