Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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