My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
