About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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